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Beatrice_Englikaner

My mum has to leave me to go to South Africa... I don't know how I will cope

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That's where she originally came from, and her aunt who lives there is terminally ill. It is uncertain how long Mum will stay there for, but she needs to be there with her if and when she passes away. But I need her HERE. I can't go with her as I have a lot of commitments here. I have an important life event coming up that Mum will have to miss. She says that I still have Dad if I need help with anything, but whenever Mum is away he tends to be abusive and controlling, taking advantage of her absence. He was like that the last time she had to go to SA, when I was 14. (I am now 19.) It was partly brought on by a lesbian experience I was having at the time. He got violent, but there was no alcohol involved. I have no idea what will happen between us this time. It feels so much safer with Mum around, and I know I can always call her or Skype her, but it is never the same as physically having her here. The fact that she might have to stay in SA for an uncertain period of time makes it much worse, but obviously I am sending my great aunt all my best wishes. It's just really unfair that this has had to happen now. I rely on my parents for support instead of a social worker as I have not been considered to need one but I fear things are about to get out control and that I might just have a complete breakdown, and that I won't have Mum at my side to comfort me. How do I deal with this?


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Posted (edited)

I'm not sure what is best to suggest to help, but I'm glad you can at least contact your mum through Skype. I hope conflict does not happen between you and your Dad, but if it does, you may have to call someone like the police or seek a refuge if you do not feel safe. If you have a girlfriend, is there any chance you could stay with them before it gets bad with your Dad?

Helpful advice from Citizens Advice Bureau is here if you need more ideas.

Best wishes.

Edited by Buta
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Thanks, I have read the article you linked. I think my situation might come under "honour-based abuse". Because in addition to being autistic, I am also bisexual and nobody else in my family fits into both those categories (as far as I know). So my dad's behaviour towards me is probably motivated by the fact that I'm not living up to what he expects me to be.  


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